A Quick Update

We're still here! It's been almost 3 weeks since we updated, and a LOT has happened! On the 10th of July, Eric successfully defended his dissertation! It was a beautiful day with lots of people we love milling about. Here are some pictures from the day:

Eric giving the presentation

After the defense, waiting to hear the final verdict

Ph.inisheD.!

On the afternoon of the defense, Ian went home with his Nana and Pop where he spent a few days before switching to his Mimi and Papa's house. They all kept him so we could finish packing and make the move up north a little easier. (Thanks again, Moms and Dads!) Then, a couple days after the defense, Eric turned 29! He's calling this year the "victory lap" of his 20's -- and what an exciting year it's already turning out to be!

Less than a week after the defense, we packed up all our belongings in a Uhaul and moved back up to South Bend. I can't describe how weird it felt to be driving up US31 into South Bend, knowing that we were coming back after six years. Not weird in a bad way....just strange because when we moved south to Bloomington, we never imagined that we'd take the same road back up to our new-old home. It's very exciting! We're so happy about the chance to teach and be involved at Bethel College. It's amazing how God works!

So now, we're getting settled into our apartment and beginning to keep our eyes open for possible house candidates within walking distance of campus. Ian is adjusting fine and seems to even like his new surroundings. He's just glad the cat is still here!

Cheers!

We had a very nice 4th of July yesterday! Even though the weather brought the coldest Independence Day I ever remember experiencing, we got to spend time with some good friends and each other. We also ate lots of yummy food! Isn't that the hallmark of every truly good holiday?

In other news, lately, Ian's been celebrating every single meal with his own toast. Sometime early in the meal, he lifts his sippy cup and says, "Cheers", eagerly expecting us to follow suit...which, of course, we do. It's become a fun family ritual at any meal. We have no idea where he got it from! He may have seen us do it once or twice, but we very rarely say "Cheers" when we toast, so who knows! At any rate, it's fun.

Also, he loves to help water the miniature garden we put out this year of one cherry tomato plant and three basil plants. He lugs the watering can across the yard, and painstakingly pours water on our thirsty plants. He's always so proud of himself when he's done, and we usually have to fill the watering can another two or three times before he's satisfied. So cute.

Good Thought; Bad Implementation

Here's a quick, random little Ian story.

A few weeks ago I put Ian on the potty after a failed nap attempt. My patience was rather short, and I was not feeling very good, so I just gave him a book and told him to call for me after he was done going to the bathroom (this is actually standard procedure when Ian is stalling, but I've begun to extend it to times when I'm just plain annoyed with him). That same day I had been putting away laundry, and I had left a pile of wash cloths on the sink counter which is next to the toilet.

After leaving Ian in the bathroom, I went out to the couch to lay down for a couple minutes while he did his business. For two or three minutes I could hear him chattering to himself while "reading" his book. Then, after a little while, it dawned on me that there had been complete silence from the bathroom for at least 30 seconds.

I quietly got up from the couch and tip-toed down the hall and peeked into the bathroom. Two things immediately jumped out at me:

1. Ian, seated on his seat, with a very thoughtful look was staring intently down into the toilet bowl. He had his hands curled up into little fists that were resting on his hips.

2. My stack of washcloths was no longer there.

I said, "Ian, whatcha doin' buddy?"

He looked up at me saying, "Uh-oh. Shorry. Mess."

What had happened was that he had peed all over the place, and had apparently tried to clean it up with the wash cloths that were on the counter. However, he had accidentally dropped them into the toilet.

I just shook my head, and we both started laughing.

Choices, choices

About a month ago, I blogged about the ideas we got from the book Parenting with Love and Logic. Since then, we've tailored some of their ideas to our own situation and personalities. One way we've done this is by using choices to help lead Ian to a result that is not an option. For instance, all the steps leading up to a nap are laden with choices for him. "Do you want to sit on the big potty or the little potty? Do you want the grey sweatpants or the green sweatpants? Do you want the blue blanket or the green blanket? Do you want the duck book or the doggie book?" The wonderful thing about all these choices is that none of the specifics matter to us. What does matter to us is that he's still going potty, he's still putting on sweatpants, and he's still going down for a nap, but he feels like he's a part of the process and does everything much more willingly.

For another example, Ian often likes to climb into his own car seat now, instead of being placed there by us, and when we try to force him into the seat because he's taking too long (playing with the buckles, etc.), it's a struggle, to say the least! However, if we simply say to him as we're approaching the car, "Ian, do you want to get in your car seat by yourself, or do you want Mommy/Daddy to put you in?", he can answer either way and he knows what to expect when he gets in the car. Getting in the car seat is not an option, but how he gets in there is. The "Do you want to ______, or do you want Mommy/Daddy to ______" is a very powerful tool. It puts him in the driver's seat while still putting him on the right road to where we want to go. It seems that it's all about setting the stage for the situation so he knows what to expect.

In dealing with undesired behavior, the choices also work quite well. If he's being exorbitantly loud at dinner, we calmly tell him, "You can either sit nicely and quietly in your chair, or you can play on the floor without food. Which do you want to do: eat or play?" If he chooses to eat, but continues to have inappropriate table manners (we're talking about things a 2-year-old reasonably has control over -- his mouth and loud antics), we gently take him down out of his chair and his supper is over, which means he probably goes to bed a little hungry. We've only had to do this once so far. An empty tummy is a powerful consequence to misbehavior related to food. However, a full tummy and the enjoyment of dinner is also a powerful consequence and motivation to straighten up. The trick is coming up with consequences that are applicable to the situation, and making it clear that the action leading to those consequences is his own choice.

I can't help but think that these choices are helping him become a more responsible individual, in the long run. I hope that the more situations he comes across to learn from his choices, the better choices he'll make as he gets older. All of this mixed with empathy and instruction about God's love may lead him in the right direction. I hope! Like my friend Anne says, it's kind of like "preventive" parenting: staying one step ahead of your child and predicting what might set him/her off, then being upfront with the child about the situation so that their actions really are their choice.

Projects

by Lisa

For those of you not on Facebook, here is an update of our latest projects that we've been doing!

Eric decided to use his power tools for the last time in a year (they'll be put in storage while we're living in the apartment this year) and build a TV cabinet with doors so our TV isn't "staring" at us all the time! He stained it a similar color to our coffee table and end tables, and it matches almost perfectly! I'm so impressed with his woodworking abilities! Here are some pictures of the finished product:

I, on the other hand, realized that a lot of our artwork and wall hangings that we had hanging in our living room were very low on color (our walls do all the "coloring" for them!), and that we'll be living in an all-white apartment with light beige carpeting. Not too inspiring. So I decided, instead of spending tons of money on artwork, to make my own! I used pre-made stretched canvas and acrylics to make three wall hangings. It was the first time I had picked up an artist's paintbrush in nine years, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Here are some pictures of how they turned out:
While our handiwork is certainly not commercial quality, we have really enjoyed creating things with our own hands these past couple of weeks and putting our own stamp on our furniture and decorations. It's been fun, and we'll enjoy the outcomes for years to come!

Watch!

Ian loves "watching" us make dinner or whatever we happen to be doing at the kitchen counter. He pushes a dining room chair into the kitchen and puts it right up against the cabinet so he can see what's going on up there on the counter. Sometimes, he "helps", but most of the time there are knives and other non-kid-friendly things involved, so he's relegated to watching. We soften the blow of not being able to help by feeding him appetizers of his favorite veggies: carrots, cucumbers, green (or red) peppers, tomatoes, etc. It's a great way to get some veggies in him before dinner even starts (so we're less worried when he only goes for the meat and starch at the table), and to keep him occupied while we work! Making dinner has become a family affair!

Reading with Dad

Hello! It's definitely summer! We've got Indiana's famous high-heat, high-humidity concoction of weather sitting right on our doorstep, and it looks like it's going to be staying for a while. The thunderstorms have moved away for a couple of days, but according to weather.com, they'll be back later this week to add more water to the too much we already have! Some of you may have seen reports about the flooding in our area. It's been pretty crazy. Two of my co-workers are still stuck in Indianapolis due to roads being closed between there and Bloomington. Hopefully, the water will start to recede soon and we won't have any more damage.

So because of the yucky weather lately, we've been spending more time indoors. Here's a video we took yesterday of Ian and Eric reading together in the nice, cool air conditioning.



Reading is one of our favorite family activities. There are many evenings where Eric and I don't even turn on the TV, but instead, sit in the living room and read. It's a very relaxing way to spend time together. Sometimes Eric even reads to me out loud, which is so much fun and a great way to share our favorite books with each other. Ian loves books, too, and we spend a lot of time reading to him each day. He has some favorites right now: Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go," "Winnie the Pooh and Honey Tree" (one of my personal favorites), and a library book called "Tough Trucks" that we recently ordered from Barnes & Noble because he likes it so much. We're finally getting away from just picture books and into the realm of books with more words on each page. He really seems to be enjoying stories now. It's fun to see your child developing interests in things you like to do as well!

Love and Logic

I recently finished reading a book called Parenting with Love and Logic by Jim Fay and Foster Cline. Surprisingly enough, I had never heard of this book, or anything associated with it. I now wonder what kind of bubble I've been living in!

Apparently, it's this huge organization similar to, but smaller than, Focus on the Family, that primarily deals with discipline of children, both for parents and teachers. I decided to read it for two reasons: 1) it came highly recommended by my friend Anne, and 2) I was, after only two years of parenting, feeling a like I was exhausting all the possibilities when it came to effective discipline/correction of Ian -- who, by the way, is not a "problem child" or anything, but simply has a stubborn streak in him that Eric and I feel needs to be channeled in the right directions. I wasn't sure that all of our time-outs, spankings, and loss of privileges -- however lovingly they were doled out -- were achieving that desired effect. I have to admit, though, I went into reading this book with a bit of skepticism. After reading through some of their articles online, I had come away with the feeling that it was all a little idealistic. Afterall, parenting, like any relationship, is not a cut-and-dried situation, and there are really no "magic" formulas that will work for every child.

However, after reading just the introduction to the book, I quickly began to see that the authors had no intention of endorsing any kind of "quick-fix," but were really just using biblical principles of enforcing consequences. While there was nothing completely revelational about Love and Logic for me, it did give me tips about how to better teach my child to make good decisions in his life, without pandering to either extreme of forcing him to do so and hoping he'll just "get it" someday. Here are some things that were made more clear to me while reading this book:

1. Natural consequences for a child's actions are often much more effective than outright correction/discipline, especially when paired with genuine empathy for the child who is suffering from them. This is not to say that Eric and I will stop punishing Ian for very serious offenses, especially if they have little to no natural consequences for him at this age (or if the consequences are life-threatening or just too large for him at this age), but it does give us a few more options for correction.

2. Modeling responsibility works far better than teaching with your words. This is the wake-up call that every parent needs to be reminded of day in and day out: Your kids are watching you, even when you don't realize it!

3. Providing a child with choices, especially when both of them are 100% ok with you, goes a long way toward bolstering their confidence in themselves. It's amazing the number of situations I've noticed that I can offer Ian a choice rather than making it for him, even at his very young age of two. It takes a lot of pressure off of me, and makes him feel like a "big boy." My friend Anne is especially adept at this skill with her kids and has been a really good example for me.

4. Choices and consequences can be paired together for an amazing chance to teach responsibility for one's own actions. By offering a child two choices, one with a good consequence and one with an undesirable consequence, they get to make the decision themselves. This also has the added benefit of communicating boundaries without being controlling. Putting "the ball in their court" to make the decision, again, takes the pressure off of the parent to control their child's actions (which we really can't do anyway). For the child, the learning comes in suffering through the consequences.

So maybe to those of you who are reading this, all of this seems like, "Well, duh." But for me, it's been an encouraging resource that has provided some insight that I was not expecting. I feel like, with these general guidelines, I can strike a balance in my relationship with Ian (and hopefully any subsequent children). After applying some of these principles to our parenting over the past week or two, Eric and I are already seeing results in Ian's behavior and attitude toward us. It's been fairly liberating to remove the pressure off of ourselves to make sure he behaves, and instead to encourage him to behave, all the while ensuring he experiences the consequences of his behavior, whether good or bad.

I have no illusions that we've got this parenting thing all figured out! I'm quite certain that we'll continue to wrestle with exactly the best way to guide Ian "in the way he should go," so that "when he is old, he will not turn from it" (Proverbs 22:6). By daily asking God for guidance and wisdom, we know that He'll teach us as we go along. I feel like this book, though, was an answer to that prayer for today.

Cheers to Seven Years!

We celebrated our seventh anniversary today! We're not sure why, but for some reason this year seems particularly celebratory. Maybe it's because of various things we've gone through in the past year...maybe it's because of the exciting future ahead of us...but, whatever it is, we're both so thankful that we have each other and we're anticipating the (Lord willing) many years we have left together. Marriage rocks!!

Anyway, here are a couple pictures from today:

At Bill and Lucy's, dropping Ian off before dinner

At Bombay House, our typical Bloomington anniversary dinner site

Ian with Lucy

Thank you to all of you family and friends out there who support us and encourage us in our marriage with both your words and your examples. We thank God for you, too!

Success!

Today marks a very important day in our family: Ian went the whole day in only one pair of underwear with no accidents!!! Needless to say, we are quite excited. As a testament to the considerable progress he's made in the past few weeks, here's a picture of his completed potty train:

Towards the end, he wasn't even asking for stickers after using the toilet, so when we got to the end of the chart a couple of days ago, we just stopped giving them to him, and he hasn't even noticed. Going to the bathroom "big boy style" is so much a part of his day by now, that he hardly gives it a second thought! He still loves reading books almost every time he's in there, but we enjoy that too because it's good time spent with him. All in all, potty training hasn't been that bad!

On a different note, I wanted to share with you all some pictures of Springtime in Bloomington. This year has been the prettiest we've ever seen here; Bloomington has certainly been living up to its name! The rain has come at just the right times and in the right manner to produce some amazing blooms all over town. Here are just a few of the pictures that I've taken in the past several weeks:

hyacinth & daffodil

forsythia & redbud

magnolia
dogwood

I absolutely LOVE spring! It's my favorite time of year. I didn't even get any pictures of the plethora of Bradford pear trees that line the streets of Bloomington, but let me assure you, they put on a stellar show this year as well. In our six years here, I've come to love the abundance of flowering trees and shrubs, as well as the the magnificent bulbs that Bloomington grows in early spring. I'm really going to miss living here.